I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
