I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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