And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
