When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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