You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
