Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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