just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
