I can't breathe out the right side of my face
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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