I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He passed out mid-signature
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
