I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
