dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
