Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
