so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
