do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
