I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
