He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
