There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
