Banned from zoo.
Again?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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