I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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