Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
