I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
