the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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