sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
