It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize