Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
