sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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