is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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