Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
