woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize