Duck Duck Cougar?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
