Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
