I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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