Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
