I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
