Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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