oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize