That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
