If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
