Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
