i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
