I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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