PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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