My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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