we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
