ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
