just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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