All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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