He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
