It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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