please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
