I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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