Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
