Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
