Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
