I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
