Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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