I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
