Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
