Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
