how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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