I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is wine microwaveable?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
