woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just found puke in my bra..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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