So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
