This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
