Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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