so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
