Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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