At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
