I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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