One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
