The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
BRING THE BAGELS
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
