I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
