Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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