Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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